25 October, 2012

A Nightmare


I walked outside of the run down trailer into the pouring rain. It’s been a downpour for days. The once hard ground had turned into a swamp that dragged you down as you tried to hide for cover. The ground was so soft that most of the trailers in the park were being sucked down into the ground. The entrances were drowning in the mud. It wasn’t worth trying to dig it out when you knew that death was not far behind you.
I crawled my way through the mud and debris, hoping to find something to defend myself with. A rotting and rusting trailer was illuminated by the sudden flashes of lightening. The door was hanging off of the hinges and the windows were boarded up. The previous owners thought that that would help protect them against the oncoming attacks.
But, they were wrong.
Everyone was wrong.
I carefully made my way into the trailer, trying not to cut myself on anything. The world didn’t yet know what caused this awful disease.
Lightening flashed again and thunder rumbled loud overhead. The lightening illuminated the inside of the trailer just enough for me to look around. A crowbar was laying on the floor not too far away.
Thunder rumbled again and then all was silent. The rain had stopped pounding on the metal roof. In the not too far distance, moaning could be hear.
Shivers went up my spine. The sound of death was closing in.
I grabbed the crowbar, and spilled a few drawers onto the floor. There had to be a flashlight and batteries in here somewhere. There had to be.
But, there wasn’t.
The moaning was louder and I knew that I had to get out of there. Fast.
I ran out of the door, and looked around the swampy area. Most of the trailers were sinking fast into the ground. There was no where to hide.
I ran down the muddy street, hoping to catch a quick glimpse of a hideout. Something that could last through the night.
A trailer off to the side stole my attention. The whole side of it had been ripped open by God knows what. I could see every room inside clearly.
My heart suddenly dropped into my stomach and I became nauseous. My hand immediately went over my mouth to make sure no sounds came out. But, my dread overwhelmed me.
Inside the trailer were about three dead heads tearing a man apart. They growled and clawed at each other like wild animals to make sure the other didn't take its food.
Then the one looked up at me. My eyes met his dead ones, and I knew that it was all over.
I ran as fast as I could down the road, knowing that death was biting at my heels. I caught sight of a house, and ran straight towards it, pushing myself all the harder.
I pried away the boards and threw them aside. They weren't of any use now or later.
Once I got in the house, I locked the door. Hoping to add a few seconds of lost time to my life. I pushed a nearby desk up against the door, and turned to look for more.
The moaning was louder than ever. I could hardly focus. They scratched and gnawed at the door, trying to get in to rip me apart.
The room was nearly empty. Nothing was heavy enough to help reinforce the door.
I was going to be stuck in this empty place while the outside is surrounded by those monsters.
I turned around as the door splintered behind me. A wide gaping hole appeared on the door, and the dead tried to fight their way through.
It was an awful sight. Their skin was pulled tight over their gray bones. Their eyes were glossed over, and an endless hunger burned deep within.
A pain shot through my ankle, and I dropped to the ground. To my horror, a dead head was ripping my foot open. I kicked it in the face, but only as a natural defense.
 Once I felt that pain, I knew that I was already dead.

06 June, 2012

who am i?

you're supposed to make me feel pretty
instead you make me feel ugly.
you're supposed to love me for me
all you want to do is change me.
you say you want to make me happy
when i realize it, i'm far from it.
i want you to love me, i want to be me.
but when i'm with you, i can't be.
i'm only half of who i am.
the other something i'm really not.

07 March, 2012

Struggling to be Free

I want to be free,
To see all that I can see.
I want to wander the open fields,
To breathe in the other airs.
I don't want to sit at home,
And stare out the window alone.

I want to go to Oregon,
To live at one with nature.
I want to go to England,
To live in a cottage with my garden.
I want to go to the mountains,
So I won't be judged and ruled by others.

I want to be free.
To see all that I can see.
But, you're keeping me back.
From giving me a good story.

05 March, 2012

Miles Away

I was sitting on my boyfriend’s porch steps for what felt like an eternity. Only a couple of hours before, I had to watch him and his family pack the rest of their belongings into the cars, and drive miles away from me. It was the most sickening feeling I had ever felt. The one person who had the biggest and most positive influence on my life had to leave without me.

Tears swelled up began to sting my eyes. I wiped my arm across my eyes, and went inside the now empty house.

I never could have imagined this home being empty. It felt so lonely. I slowly made my way upstairs into his old bedroom. I sat down in the middle of the room, and looked at the empty space and walls. This room broke my heart the most.

Everywhere I looked, a scene from my memory played out in my mind. I looked over at the window, and imagined his bed placed underneath.

I remember when we sat side by side with a blanket wrapped around us, and stared out of the winder at the moon for hours.

I took a deep breath to stifle back the oncoming tears, and the smell of him filled my nose.

Never had I felt so empty. All of my future plans were wrapped around him. Now what do I have? Nothing.

I would do anything to have him back by my side.

I missed him so much. I miss how his hand always found its place in mine. I miss the comfort I felt when I looked into his eyes. I will always miss when he kissed me, and told me how much he loved me.

Now I was left alone in this house with my memories. There was nothing that I could do. There is nothing left to me.

08 November, 2011

Love in the Air

I had slipped on my new blue vintage dress, and pulled on my boots before I left for the market. It is such a nice day. No clouds, very sunny, and warm. The perfect day to spend it outside. And that’s what I planned to do.

The market isn’t very far from my apartment, and I have to pass hundreds of little shops. I walked by a small coffee shop on the way. It was the cutest thing. Outside has a couple wrought iron tables and chairs. The air smelled delicious. It kind of reminded me of something you’d see in a French romance movie.

I walked inside, and it was so inviting. There were plants everywhere; on the tables, window sills, and counters. The walls are a very calming chocolate color. All kinds of pastries filled the display cases.

I was too busy looking around and admiring everything, that I didn’t notice the guy in front of my. We bumped into each other, and his drink was knocked out of his hand.

“Oh my God. I’m so, so sorry.” I said, bending down to pick up the cup. He bent down, too and grabbed the cup before I could.

“No, no. It’s okay, really.” He stood up, and offered his hand to help me up. I looked up at him and smiled.

This guy was way taller than me. He had blonde hair and the clearest blue eyes. He was wearing a plaid shirt and blue jeans, and it made him look really good. Everything about this guy was very attractive.

I blushed when I realized that we were staring at each other.

“I’m still really sorry. Please let me buy you another coffee?”

“It’s actually chai tea. I can’t stand the taste of coffee.”

“Oh, I love chai tea!”

“Well then, let me buy us some, and maybe we can talk? I mean, you do owe me since you knocked my cup out of my hand.” He smiled at me, and I couldn’t refuse an offer like that.”

“Yeah, sure. My name’s Tilly by the way.”

“Nice to bump into you. I’m Foster.” We smiled to ourselves, and made our way to the front of the line. “So, what kind of chai would you like?”

“I usually get vanilla spiced.”

“Perfect. That’s my favorite kind.” He smiled and took a hold of my arm, after we had our tea. “Shall we find a place to sit?”

We found a table outside in the sun, and he sat down across from me. He is such a handsome guy. There’s nothing wrong with him as far as I can tell.

“So, do you live around here?” Foster asked.

“Yeah, actually not too far. I just moved into the apartment a few months ago.”

“Where did you live before?”

“Some small town in New Jersey. Nothing special.”

“Well, Tilly from some small town in New Jersey, I could give you a taste of this big city, Oregon. If you’d like?” His eyes lit up, and I nearly melted.

“Of course. I would love that very much.” I tried to catch myself before I started staring at him again, but I was too late. He caught onto what I was trying to do, and grinned even wider.

“You know, Tilly, you’re a very interesting person. I would like to get to know you more.” He blushed slightly at his bluntness, and so did I.

“I’d like that. You’re not boring, and very cute.”

“Do you want to go see a show tonight? Around say, seven o’clock? Don’t worry about dinner either. I’ve got that covered, too.”

“What kind of show?”

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be a surprise.”

“Sure.” I smiled at him, and wrote my number on a napkin. “Want to meet up here?”

“Sounds like a plan.” I stood up from my seat, and grabbed my purse.

“I’ll meet you here at six-thirty. Don’t be late.” He hugged me, and his scent stayed with me the rest of the night.

The Rainy West

I woke up to the rain pattering against my bedroom window. It was going on ten in the morning, but the room was a gloomy grey. My little border collie mutt was all spread out on the other side of the bed, enjoying the extra sleeping time.

“Come on, Tansy. Let’s get you something to eat, and outside for a walk. Though I think we need the rain boots again.” Tansy looked up at me, and crawled her way to my side, so she could lick my hands and face. “Okay, girl. That’s enough.”

I went to the kitchen and put the tea on before I fixed Tansy her breakfast. She was the best dog I ever had. I found her on the streets a couple of weeks after I moved to Portland. Poor little thing was as lost as I was. I don’t know what I would have done without her through the hardships here.

I was working two jobs, missing life back home, and hating everything. But, when I came home, and saw how happy she was to see me, I knew things would be okay.

Tansy barked at the person who knocked at the door, and I jumped out of my daydreams.

“Shh. Tansy, be quiet. Let’s see who’s at the door.” It was Mrs. Beasly from across the hall.

Mrs. Beasly was the kindest and gentlest old lady. Her and her husband have been living in these apartments since they were nineteen. They mostly keep to their own business, but Mrs. Beasly and I always find time to have tea and talk. Though it was usually later in the afternoons.

“Good morning, Mrs. Beasly. Do you want to come in and have some tea? It should be about ready.”

“Oh sure, deary. I was just coming over to give you some biscotti’s I baked last night. But, I guess it’s always pleasant to have some company with your morning tea.” She smiled and handed me a plate full of biscotti’s.

No one could ever beat Mrs. Beasly’s Italian cooking. She made home cooked meals four times a day. Every day. And she always brought me the leftovers.

She sat down at the tiny table beside the window. I brought over the tea, milk, and sugar and sat down opposite of her.

The window is fairly large, and it’s definitely the main source of natural lighting in the small apartment. On the window sill, there are pots filled with herbs and manageable veggies. It’s the perfect place to sit at night with a cup of hot chocolate and overlook the city.

“Tilly, I love coming over here and having talks with you. Your home is so bright and clean. The yellow walls in here just make me the cheeriest person all day. I’d say you’re quiet the homemaker.” She smiled, and brought the tea cup to her lips. Mrs. Beasly was the ideal old lady in my mind. Her grey, almost white, hair was always up in a tight bun. Every day she wore her dresses, and her make up was perfect. I would love to have her as a grandmother.

“Thank you, Mrs. Beasly. But, I’d be a better homemaker if I only knew how to really cook.”

“Hunny, please call me Edith. You make me feel so old when you call me Missus. And you’re so young! You have all the time in the world to perfect your cooking skills. I’ll even come over in the noons you don’t waitress and teach you.”

“That would be wonderful. Bringing home and eating leftovers from the restaurant isn’t always appetizing.” Mrs. Beasly nodded in argeement, and glanced outside as a bird fluttered out of view.

“I know it’s so rude to ask of others’ business, but I’ve been very curious. What made you come to the west coast? You’re so far from your home.”

“Oh, well, that’s such a long story. Really, I guess I needed something new. I felt like I would be stuck in my small town forever, and I wanted to explore.” I took a small sip from my cup, and set it down slowly. “My life wasn’t going in a good direction either. It was better for me to leave.” I added softly.

Mrs. Beasly looked at me for awhile, and nodded her head. “Well, I’m glad to have such a strong, beautiful woman living next door to me. Sometimes I wish I could’ve been as adventurous as you, Tilly. But, I must be off. Mr. Beasly will be wondering where I wondered off to now.”

She hobbled her way to the door, and I followed closely behind, thinking of her words. At the door, she hesitated a few moments, and turned to me.

“Tilly, you are a very strong and lucky lady. I know good things will head your way. God has some great things in store for you. I’ll be sure to pray that the bad stays away from you and your home.” She gave me a small hug, and scurried to her apartment. I closed my door as she entered hers. I stood facing the door for a couple more moments to think over everything that she said.

I really do hope she’s right. I thought. I can use some good right now.

31 October, 2011

Our Son, the Geek

               “Come on, Roland. Let’s go to the toy store.” Brandon and I decided to take our little four year old shopping. Initially, we had planned on clothes shopping, but I was too curious to see the toys he liked.
               I watched him as his face filled with wonder at all the toys. He ran over to the Ugly Dolls, and picked up a few. Roland was so easily amused by everything, which to me was a good thing.
                His father and I had hoped that he would love dinosaurs and all kinds of geeky things. We always tried to introduce him to our favorite toys.
                “Hey Roland, come look at the dinosaurs.” Brandon held onto his hand, and led him to the dinosaur figurines. He picked up a Stegosaurus and handed it to Roland. He paused and looked it over in his tiny hands.
                I never realized how much Roland resembled Brandon. He had Brandon’s pale skin and extremely blonde hair. Even his personality matched Brandon’s. The only physical thing he got from me was his small figure and brown eyes. But, he did have my curiosity of the world, and artistic skill.
                He put the dinosaur back down, and seemed to lose interest in it all. I frowned and looked up at Brandon. He didn’t seem to notice Roland’s sudden disinterest.
                “Come on, hunny. We need to get you a new winter coat.” I said sadly. Roland reached up for my hand, and held it in his small grasp. We led him out of the store, and toward the next one.
                “Mummy, are there more dinosaurs?” Roland asked me. I smiled to myself, and my heart filled with joy. Our little boy did like dinosaurs.
                “Of course, baby. There are pterodactyls and they can fly.” Roland grinned and squeezed my hand tight. I looked up at Brandon and saw him smiling, too.
                Our baby boy was going to be a geek after all.