07 March, 2012

Struggling to be Free

I want to be free,
To see all that I can see.
I want to wander the open fields,
To breathe in the other airs.
I don't want to sit at home,
And stare out the window alone.

I want to go to Oregon,
To live at one with nature.
I want to go to England,
To live in a cottage with my garden.
I want to go to the mountains,
So I won't be judged and ruled by others.

I want to be free.
To see all that I can see.
But, you're keeping me back.
From giving me a good story.

05 March, 2012

Miles Away

I was sitting on my boyfriend’s porch steps for what felt like an eternity. Only a couple of hours before, I had to watch him and his family pack the rest of their belongings into the cars, and drive miles away from me. It was the most sickening feeling I had ever felt. The one person who had the biggest and most positive influence on my life had to leave without me.

Tears swelled up began to sting my eyes. I wiped my arm across my eyes, and went inside the now empty house.

I never could have imagined this home being empty. It felt so lonely. I slowly made my way upstairs into his old bedroom. I sat down in the middle of the room, and looked at the empty space and walls. This room broke my heart the most.

Everywhere I looked, a scene from my memory played out in my mind. I looked over at the window, and imagined his bed placed underneath.

I remember when we sat side by side with a blanket wrapped around us, and stared out of the winder at the moon for hours.

I took a deep breath to stifle back the oncoming tears, and the smell of him filled my nose.

Never had I felt so empty. All of my future plans were wrapped around him. Now what do I have? Nothing.

I would do anything to have him back by my side.

I missed him so much. I miss how his hand always found its place in mine. I miss the comfort I felt when I looked into his eyes. I will always miss when he kissed me, and told me how much he loved me.

Now I was left alone in this house with my memories. There was nothing that I could do. There is nothing left to me.